Working for Corporate America

You know you work in Corporate America if:

• You've sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies.
• Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro.
• Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.
• The company logo on your badge is drawn on a post-it note.
• When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie.
• You get really excited about a 2% pay raise.
• You learn about your layoff on CNN.
• Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.
• You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.
• Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than all the Third World countries' annual budgets combined.
• You think lunch is just a meeting to which you drive.
• It's dark when you drive to and from work.
• Fun is when issues are assigned to someone else.
• "Communication" is something your group is having problems with.
• You see a good looking person and know it is a visitor.
• Free food left over from meetings is your main staple.
• Weekends are those days your spouse makes you stay home.
• Being sick is defined as can't walk or you're in the hospital.
• Art involves a white board.
• You're already late on the assignment you just got.
• When 100% of your time means 20 hours.
• You work 200 hours for the $100 bonus check and jubilantly say "Oh wow, thanks!"
• Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube.
• Your boss' favorite lines are "when you get a few minutes", "in your spare time", "when you're freed up", and "I have an opportunity for you."
• Vacation is something you roll over to next year or a check you get every January.
• Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers".
• Change is the norm.
• Nepotism is encouraged.
• The only reason you recognize your kids is because their pictures are hanging in your cube.
• You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.
• You read this entire list and understood it.

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